Where are you...

 Where are you...

 I miss you so much. Why did you leave me here. How can I be without you. 

 I love you. Love you so so much. Dreaming that you are at a better place. At peace. Without pain. God, I am sorry I failed you. 

 You were the light of my days for so many years. You deserved better life but I hope you did not suffer much. Your pure soul was all that kept me from drowning.

 Now I am lost and hurt. I didn't know it could hurt that much. Trying to live without you seems impossible. How to move on when you were my everything. My thoughts, my work, my day... I returned at the end ...returned every time to you. After all the wounds from life I ran to you. To your quiet but endless eyes. So deeply kind and loving.

 You had just us and I feel we weren't enough. I feel such hatred for myself for not helping you, not doing something more...anything. Neglect and avoidance...I was afraid to face you those last weeks. And you were suffering. I cannot tell you I am sorry anymore. I was supposed to be there. With you. You deserved the world, my little angel.

 Do you resent us? I deserve it. I could do so much more yet I didn't. Cannot live with myself. But that was always the problem. Always wanting to commit. Now...I need to live. I need to live with myself, with all the hurt and pain and resentment. Because that is punishment itself. To live on. Without you.

 Keep on living, with all the feelings all the emotions. It's too much and it's breaking me. Everyday without you feels like I am loosing a piece of my soul. First I was too numb, too shocked. Now I miss you. I see you everywhere. In every part of my day where you were suppose to be...there is nothing. Just silence. Every lingering thought about you I have, ends with bitter chest-hurting sadness. Everything reminds me of you. 

 My sweet little boy. I hope you are finally at peace. Ľúbim ťa.